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Feel insecure and build self confidence

Feeling insecure is normal. There are very few people who are self-confident all the time and never feel insecure. As a life coach I see that most of my clients are dealing with insecurity and it is probably the number one issue why people come to see me. As human beings we don’t want to feel insecure and often feel ashamed about it, thinking we are the only one feeling like this and no one else. But is this truly so and is trying to hide our insecure feelings always the best thing to do?

Everyone, more or less, is dealing with insecure feelings. We may not like it but feeling insecure is quite normal and part of life. It may surprise you but as a life coach, sometimes, I feel insecure myself. This week a client didn’t show up and my first, insecure, thought was “is it because of me, am I not good enough?” Now I have been trained to deal with this and normally have a lot of self-confidence. But still, insecure feelings sometimes present themselves and I have to deal with them.

People deal differently with insecure feelings. When feeling insecure, most people try to hide it, ignore it or pretend it doesn’t exist. Some pretend to have a lot of self-confidence, playing the self-confidence role, while still feel insecure on a deeper level. Others become frustrated or angry. Some will run away, wanting to escape the situation. And another group will become very silent, feeling ashamed. Everyone is different and no one is perfect.

Whatever the case may be, there’s usually one thing in common: we don’t want to acknowledge our own insecurity. We may be able to get away with it for a while but at some point in our lives the insecure feelings will get stronger and stronger unless we start to acknowledge them.

How to overcome insecurity

The first step towards self-confidence is the ability to acknowledge your own insecurity. Once you acknowledge your own insecurity you can overcome it.

Don’t try to hide your insecurity, feel it. There is nothing wrong with the feeling or with you. Feeling insecure is part of who you are. You are not alone. Most people who are acting with super confidence on the outside are insecure on the inside. It’s just a role they are playing.

Once you feel how insecure you are, once you acknowledge it, you can work towards building more self-confidence. Can you locate the insecure feeling in your body? Don’t try to run away from it but instead focus on it. Feel it. Acknowledging insecurity is the first step towards self-confidence. True self-confidence means you acknowledge your feelings, all your feelings, including your own insecurity.

Building self-confidence is the next step. Learn to recognize when you feel insecure. In what kind of situations does it happen? Is there an inner critic in you who makes you feel insecure? Learn to recognize the patterns and start building from there. Allow yourself to feel insecure. Insecurity has its function too. It warns you for taking too much risks. What would happen if you feel super confident all the time? How many unhealthy risks would you take?

To conclude this article, let’s go back to my own insecure feeling when my client didn’t showed up. I accepted the feeling completely. I was fully conscious of the fact that the feeling was there and allowed it to be fully present. The feeling was part of me, why ignore it? While I was doing this I was thinking about what had happened. What was the most logical explanation for the client not showing up? Did he forget to meet me, or something else? The moment I did this, the feeling went away.

When I called the client the next morning I found out the issue wasn’t about me at all. We simply had made an error writing the date of the meeting each on a different date in our calendars.


Patrick Schriel

Patrick Schriel

Ik ben Personal & Executive Life Coach voor organisaties, professionals en particulieren die hun kwaliteiten en talenten optimaal willen benutten. Maak nu een afspraak voor een gratis kennismakingsgesprek: Bel: 06-10327366 of neem contact op per e-mail.