One of the biggest personal development steps you can take is to stop being a victim. Stop blaming others for all the bad things that are happening to you and the ones you love. By taking this step you regain responsibility, and control, over your life and will make a shift from reactive to proactive thinking and doing. This is the start of true conscious living: a major leap in your development.
Blaming, we’ve all done it. Something happens and it’s someone else’s fault, not ours. We end up having an argument and, of course, they started it, not us. We are right, they are wrong. Why don’t they see it the way we do? We try to buy that nice flat screen TV set and we blame the credit card company for reaching the limit of our card. We blame our boss, our spouse, our parents, the government, but never ourselves. Our misery is always someone else’s fault.
Indeed, humans are very cleaver putting the blame in someone else’s shoes. It’s an easy thing to do; it’s an easy way out. It’s easy to play the victim role. This way, we do not have to take responsibility; after all, it’s their fault. They are doing it to us. For some of us this is the way we live our lives, day in, day out: A very stressful, anxious way of living.
When blaming others you hand over the responsibility for your happiness to others. In other words: your happiness depends on them. You are not the director of your life, they are. If someone pleases you, you will be happy. If someone fails, you blame them and your happiness fades away. Think of the following situations where you may have blamed others or gave away control over your life. Do they sound familiar?
- Your spouse. ”I can only be happy when he or she behaves in a certain way”. Are you blaming for not being listened to or how you are treated? Maybe you have tried to change him/her and it didn’t work?
- Your parents. Do you blame them for how they treated you? For your education? For loving your sister more then you?
- The government. Are they the cause of your current economic situation and not getting ahead in life? Do you blame them for being unemployed? Blaming the person you voted for in the last election?
- Your work. Have your blamed your boss for not giving you that promotion? And what about your colleagues? Do you like your job?
Maybe it’s time to change and stop blaming others and regain control over your life. Show more compassion. Are you sure you know the big picture? Maybe there is a reason why people act in a certain way and do what they do. Maybe they don’t know better? Maybe you’re wrong and they are right? Maybe you’re both right?
Remember you always have a choice if you do not like the situation you’re in. As I see it you have three options:
- Change the situation if you can
- Walk away from the situation if you cannot change it
- Accept the situation for what it is, if there’s no alternative left or an another, higher, motive is a stake
The fourth option, blaming and suffering, rerunning the situation in your mind, over and over, doesn’t do you any good. It’s causing stress and anxiety, even depression. It’s a major energy drainer. You live now, not in the past. You cannot change what’s already happened. Be the director of your own life. Take responsibility. You are in control. Empower yourself and live consciously. Your happiness is your task, not someone else’s. You always have a choice. Stop blaming others and take control over your life.
Unfortunately people do hurt other human beings. Sometimes pretty bad which may leave deep wounds that need to be healed. If this is the case you may need to seek help from a professional who knows how to deal with traumatic situations and events in your life.
Victimhood is so popular in America… everybody wants to be part of the group that had it the worst…
We need to kick these useless thinking processes in the ass!
Not only does reliving failures create suffering in the moment… it also creates the environment for more failure/victimhood/suffering in the future.
When we take charge of our results, though… then we gain true power in our lives. If we are going to review situations in our background thinking… they may as well be positive ones! 🙂
Time complaining is better spent getting into a positive space and taking action toward your chosen goal.
Absolutely. “Happiness depends upon ourselves.” Aristotle said that over 2000 years ago. Every kindergartener should know that by now.
Invoke the positive psychology of “I am god!”, in which case you are totally responsible for every action you make in life. Along with that comes total dependance of achieving happiness within oneself because once you depend on another to provide just that, you are heading for certain misery.
Great post, Patrick!
“Blamestorming” is increasingly popular.. Where the matter cant be laid to rest until blame has been aportioned. Very harmful and unproductive