Achieve your full potential with Life Coaching

Isn’t it funny that we spend a huge amount of our early lives getting an education; learning to read and write, learning mathematics and the history of the country we live in, but that we never get taught how to live life itself? The simple skills on how to communicate with people, how to be a successful, happy person and how to design our own lives are left out. What a waste!

If we’re lucky our parents teach us some basic values and skills. Values and skills that are based on their own experiences on what they think are good for us. They teach us to the best or their abilities.

Although good indented, most of the times this isn’t enough. Unless our parents are perfect role models, we have to learn it the hard way. We live our lives by trail and error. Sometimes this works out, sometimes it doesn’t. We may end up in jobs we are not particularly good at and relationships that do not work, simply because we didn’t learn how to achieve our full potential.

Disillusioned about life itself we come to the conclusion that the dreams we had when we were kids didn’t come true. No wonder so many people are depressed and search for something better in life. They rely on gurus, self-help books or personal development programs to get ahead. All to make up for the essential life lessons that were left out from our education.

Now, the above may not be true for all of us but fact is that most people never achieve their full potential and discover who they truly are; their authentic self.

How do we achieve our full potential?

For me Personal Development isn’t about learning new tricks. It’s about enabling us to discover our True Self and core values: getting rid of all the bad habits, limitations and false beliefs we may have gathered over the years. This means that one method that is good for me may not be the right approach for someone else, if our core values are not the same. Btw, this is one reason why there are so many personal development methods, programs and self help books. Most of those methods fit the author or the teacher, but if there is no match with the core values and beliefs of the reader or trainee they will not work.

Now of course you can go your own path of self discovery: A path that is fun, inspirational and rewarding along the way. A path in which you can achieve great results. But have you ever considered coaching? A good Life Coach is trained (and an expert in) helping people to enable themselves, helping them to design their own lives. He helps them to become the director of their life: Being in control of life, rather then live controlling them.

Life Coaching may not be the cheapest option available. It’s sure more expensive than buying a self-help book. But I suggest you see it as an investment: An investment that will change your life for the better. 4 or 5 session may be all you need to set you on the right track, to discover new possibilities and goals in life. Life Coaching will give you a new perspective on where you currently are and where you are heading to.

Enjoy the silence as silence is essential

I like silence. I enjoy the silence. A peaceful, silent, natural environment is something that lifts me up and gives me energy. It is a recharge. Like meditation, silence brings me back to, and in touch with myself. Too much and too loud noises around me makes me feel uncomfortable, not being able to maintain my energy level. In fact it drains the energy right out of me.

As long as I can remember I have been avoiding places that are too noisy for me: If it’s not strictly necessary for me to be there, I’d rather be somewhere else, in a place without the noise. My rule of thumb is: if it’s too noisy to be able to hear my own inner voice, it’s way too loud for me.

Not everyone is the same. Some people are just the opposite. They can’t stand a silent environment. They need a constant wall of sound surrounding them: Music in the car, TV (even if they don’t watch it), music while working, jogging, etc. They just don’t like silence. They don’t enjoy silence. They feel uncomfortable with it. They are addicted to noise, even if this means they have to make it themselves.

Whatever you preference is; a silent environment, or a more noisy environment, finding a silent environment is a challenge in today’s society. As human beings, we have become accustomed to noise. Especially if we live in a city: Traffic, construction sites, other people talking. Real silence is difficult to find.

We are so conditioned to noise that we use music in places that are too silent for our own comfort, being afraid to be overwhelmed by our own inner voices. We play music in elevators, music in our cars, music in shops and restaurants. We load our MP3 players with our favorite tracks; playing them too loud, trying to keep out all the other the noises from outside.

Now this isn’t a post against making noise or playing music. In fact I like music. I’m a huge fan of jazz and other styles and often go to concerts. I have plenty of music at home and on my Ipod. The difference is I don’t play music all the time. I am not addicted to it. It is not essential. I can live without it.

I enjoy the silence. It’s the silence that is essential. It’s the silence that brings me closer to myself, to my authentic self.

Focus on the positive

In one of my previous post, The New York Attitude I wrote that the way we look at things determines the way we perceive them. If you expect people to behave in a certain way, they usually will not disappoint you and behave just like you thought they would. If you expect people to be nice; your focus is on nice people and you will notice all the nice people in your life. If you expect people to be rude; you will see them too. Maybe more than you wish for. It’s our focus that determines our attention.

A positive oriented person will see more good things happening in his life. He Sees more opportunities, where others don’t, and generally has a better, less stressful life.

We are overwhelmed with information: People we meet, tasks we have to perform or possible dangerous situations. Our minds are constantly filtering this based on the way our parents raised us, the country we live in, our education, our friends and past experiences. In other words, we behave the way our minds are programmed: our conditioning. Our attention, or state of mind, determines how we see and perceive the people and events in our life. So if you are a positive ortiented person, good chance this has everything to do with your conditioning.

It’s not only our focus that determines the way we see and perceive things. It’s also about the choices that we make based on our conditioning. Do we choose for security or for a more adventurous existence? Do we live a life based on fear, or on hope?

Let’s do a little test. Are you looking at things or situations in your life from the positive or from the negative side? Take a couple of minutes and think about this. I have listed some questions below which may help you:

  • During the last elections, how did you vote?
  • Is the current economic situation frightening you or do you see this as an opportunity; a change for the better?
  • Is your current job a steady one, or is there more uncertainty involved in (keeping) it and do you like it that way?
  • What are your next holiday plans? Did you visit the place before, or is this a new, maybe more adventurous, destination?
  • How about the relationships in your life?

Remember, there is no right or wrong here. The only intention of this post is to raise your awareness on your conditioning and how you perceive the people and events in your life. It’s only when you have this awareness that you are empowered to make changes.

The Definition of Success

What is success? I remember doing a NLP training many years ago. When the teachers asked the class about the definition of success, I was the only one answering the question with an answer not related to money. My definition of success is about feeling good, doing what I like to do. Wealth is living with the people I love, caring about others.

I’m not against making money. I like money. The difference is that money is just not that important to me, it is not dominating my life. I too would like to have a huge bank account; I just don’t want to have it at all costs. I can be happy with and can be happy without it. Sure, money makes my life a bit more comfortable, but it is not affecting my overall level of happiness. I can be happy in a little one room apartment or in a luxurious mansion. I can be happy doing a five star cruise or doing a hiking trip.

Looking back at that training it is no surprise that most people answered the question about success with a money related answer. In our western society, so dominated by money, having lots of money is almost a synonym for being successful. We measure wealth by the size of someone’s bank account. We measure success by the number of possessions we own. Having more is better. Having everything is best.

Gathering all these possessions is hard work and takes up a lot of our time. Keeping them may be even more difficult and challenging. How much time and effort do you invest in having things in your life which are not essential? Do you really need that SUV? Or is it just another status symbol, trying to impress colleagues and the neighbors? And what is the cost of maintaining this kind of luxury? Doing overtime, spending less time with the family, trying to pay off that extra loan?

And now we’re talking about your job, how much prestige is involved in that as well? What is the cost on your private life if being a “successful” business man or someone important means you are making long hours and never around for the kids? How would your kids react if you ask then what if important to them?

Maybe having a little less is better and may improve your overall quality of life. Now to me that would be real wealth and a successful life.

This is just my personal opinion on the definition of success. There is no right or wrong here. I offer you only another perspective to wealth and being successful, and how this may or not may relate to money. To me money is a means, not an end.

There are many different views on wealth and success. Depending whom you ask and what their (cultural) background is, you will get a different answer. What I would like to know is your opinion on success. What means wealth and success to you? I would love to hear from you what your definition of success is.

Jazz

Next month it is time again for the annual North Sea Jazz festival which will take place in Rotterdam, not too far away from where I live.

The festival will last three days and is the biggest Jazz festival in the world with more than 16 stages and 1000+ musicians. If you, like me, enjoy jazz or jazz related music then this is the place to be.

This year I will attend the festival for the 7th or 8th time and it always fascinates me that most of the jazz musicians, playing at the festival, enjoy themselves so much that playing jazz is more than just a job for them. They are having a blast! Playing jazz is their passion. If they would not get paid for it, they would play anyway. This kind of passion is not only fun to watch but also contagious. After these three days of jazz I always feel energized and regenerated. Ready to face anything!

Not everyone is so lucky to have found their passion in life. In fact most people are struggling with this or not even giving it a single thought. They are stuck in a job that may pay well, but that doesn’t excite them. Thinking this is all life has to offer and looking forward to their retirement or hoping to win the lottery one day.

However, finding out what you passion is should not be that difficult. Everyone has (hidden) talents. Everyone has a passion for something. Finding out what these are is the challenge. The first step of course is to be willing to ask yourself: What are my talents? What is my passion? What gives me energy and excites me? Then ask yourself the question:

What job would I do if money wasn’t the issue?

My experience is that if you ask these simple questions it would open up possibilities never thought of before. As (the lack of) money is usually an excuse to stop pursuing a lifelong dream or passion. Focusing on the desire, as if money is no issue at all, will open up all sorts of new possibilities.

People who found their passion and live accordingly live happier, healthier, more fulfilling and longer lives. Wouldn’t you want this too?

There are plenty of books written on how to find ones passion. But as a good introduction I can recommend The Why Cafe by John Stelecky, which I have reviewed in a previous post.

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The 2009 North Sea Jazz festival will take place 11, 12 & 13 July in Rotterdam, The Netherlands. For further information, please visit the North Sea Jazz website.

Your Body Doesn’t Lie Review

Have you even noticed that the things you like give you energy and the things you don’t  seem to drain the energy out of you? Think of it for a while. Does your current job give you energy or are you drained when the working day is over? And what about the other activities in your life? The food you eat and the relationships you have with other people?

It is funny to see how your body reacts to what is good for you and what isn’t. Before the conscious mind knows, the unconscious mind and your body are already aware of it.

On a recent flight to New York City I was reading a book called Your Body Doesn’t Lieby John Diamond. The book is fairly old, originally published in 1980, but the content is still up-to-date. If you have never heard of Behavioral Kinesiology (BK); maybe you have heard of muscle testing, which is the same. In Your Body Doesn’t Lie John Diamond describes what BK is, how to apply it and the role the Thymus Gland plays on our immune system.

In BK a test person is stretching out his arm horizontally which then can be testing by another person by pushing down on the arm when asking a question. They can then test how strong or weak the muscles in the arm reacts toward a question or another object. If something is good or positive the arm will hold, if something is negative or bad the arm can be pushed down.

Now before you think this is all imagination of the mind, I have seen this work many times and every time it is fascinating to see or experience myself. Your Body Doesn’t Lie is a good introduction to BK and a recommended read. But be warned: Your Body Doesn’t Lie may change your view on processed food forever.

Before reading Your Body Doesn’t Lie I had been reading Power vs. Force: The Hidden Determinants of Human Behaviorby David Hawkins. David Hawkins mentioned John Diamond as the one from who he learned muscle testing and this is how I came interested to read Your Body Doesn’t Lie in the first place, to get some background information. In Power vs. Force David Hawkins is taken muscle testing (he calls his method Kinesiologic Testing) to another level and explores the whole human condition and consciousness. Fascinating stuff which I will review in detail another time.

Both Your Body Doesn’t Lie and Power vs. Force have been added to my Recommended page, which you may want to check out for other recommended books as well.

Embrace change: A blessing in disguise

How major setbacks turn out to be life greatest lessons and are the seeds for future growth. How to embrace change.

One of my all time funniest lyrics is “Isn’t it ironic” by Alanis Morissette: “Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you”. Those lyrics remind me of the fact that nothing remains the same and life is all about change. You can either resist it of embrace it. Grieve over something lost or go with the flow and make the best of it. Or in the words of my favorite quote: “Get busy living, or get busy dying”.

In my life I experienced some major setbacks and changes. All of them turned out to be growth experiences:

As a 12 year old kid I lost my spleen because of a stupid accident while jumping over a fence. Luckily the spleen is an organ you can live without and this turned out to be the right excuse not to get drafted for the army at a later age.

At the age of 17 I found out I didn’t like the technical college I attended at all. In fact I hated it. During the same period I saw a TV show which promoted a new IT college that was just about to start. I immediately knew this was where I belonged and applied for the classes. Since then I never regretted this choice. It was the start of my IT career.

When I was 20 I lost my first job as the company I worked for went bankrupt. I remember I was devastated over it, never thinking I would find another job again. Of course this didn’t happened and after an, at that time stressful period of self pity and job hunting, things turned out to be for the better.

11 years later I lost interest in the job I was doing at that time. 11 years is a long time to work for the same company. Right at the time I made the decision to quit whatever the consequences, a new job offer came along which provided a bunch of new opportunities.

A couple of years ago I was involved in a long distance relationship. When I was over in Canada visiting my girlfriend, she dumped me in a pretty nasty way. I will not go into the dirty details, but all I can say it was a real classic story ready to feature in a Hollywood movie. Looking back at the whole experience I can say this was one of the major teachings in my life, and the start of something completely new. I am even thankful to her as now, after more than 3 years have passed, wasn’t it for this experience I wouldn’t have met my current wife. We now have the most gorgeous and joyful daughter one can imagine.

Over the years I grew more confident not fearing change as much as I did. I started to appreciate it, embrace it, and now expect it to happen as a next opportunity to grow.

The current economic situation is gloomy. Many people are losing their job; I may be one of them due to huge budget cuts in the company I work for. But maybe this is the opportunity I have, unconscious, been waiting for and is this a chance to make another change for the better: A blessing in disguise: To prioritize on my most important passion and finally make the steps that would have frightened me in the past. I now have the chance to achieve a better work-life balance, further develop my facilitator and coaching skills, find another cool job, maybe start my own Life Coaching practice, or become a professional blogger.

Embrace change: A Blessing In Disguise, “Life is like a box of chocolates… you never know what you’re gonna get.”

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