A hundred years from now
it will not matter what my bank account was,
the sort of house I lived in,
or the kind of car I drove.
But the world may be different,
because I was important in the life of a child (Forest Witcraft)

The last month was quite hectic for me. Lots of projects required my attention, both in private life as in business. My work-life balance was under quite some pressure.

This week I had a nasty cold and didn’t feel too well. I think I was running a fever and was using one Kleenex tissue after the other. Smell and taste were also gone for a couple of days. This is the usual signal for me that I stretched it too far and need to slow down, recharge and get some rest. I know my body is delivering me a message and I need to take this seriously.

While cleaning up some files on my computer I found a photo of my little girl Rosanne. I remember taking this photo around her 2nd birthday and was struck (again) by the beauty of the composition. While looking at her photo I realized nothing is more important to me than seeing a smile on Rosanne’s face. I hope I will be around for a very long time to see that smile. That’s why I’m listening to my body if it’s giving me a signal to slow down.

Work is important, I like what I do. I also love to write for this blog, Personal Development is my passion and I love to share it with others. But my highest priority in life is with my family, with my wife Sigrid and daughter Rosanne. Nothing is more important than that. What good can I do if I’m never around and work all the time? What good can I do if I ignore my highest priority in life?

If you’ve read my article Feel Like a Child, Be a Child you already know that I think children are our greatest teachers. They teach us how to live in the moment, they teach us how to have fun and they teach us what our real priorities are. Rosanne is my teacher, my little Buddha. Right now she is teaching me what my priorities are and what is really important and what is not.

This article is dedicated to you Rosanne. I love you and I promise you to make enough time for you. I promise you to take care of myself. You are my highest priority in life. I promise you to be important in your life and be there whenever you need me.

Have you ever been inspired by others? Have you ever met a real inspiring person? If you did, whether this person was one of your parents (or maybe both), a teacher or a (spiritual) leader, I’ll bet that person made a huge impact on you and changed your life forever.

Personal development isn’t something we do occasionally, by reading books or taking a training course, but is an ongoing process. The most effective way to do this is to integrate personal development into our lives and make it part of who we are. We have to live it; we have to be the change, day by day. Besides practicing personal development, one of the most effective ways to keep growing is to learn from others, people who set an example of what we can become, people who inspire us.

In my How to find your True Self, be your Authentic Self article I said that authentic people are like magnets, attracting your attention. There is there’s something special about them. The same is true for real inspiring people. In most cased being an authentic person and being inspirational go hand in hand.

I love being in the presence of inspiring people. They seem to radiate something which does awaken the best part of me. They challenge my thinking, they make me question my paradigm and inspire me to be the best I can be. A meeting with someone who is truly inspirational can change your life forever.

Real inspiring, conscious, people can make history. Think of the Buddha, Jesus, Gandhi, Martin Luther King or Mother Theresa. They inspired millions. They have set an example on how to lead, how to serve, how to grow and how to live a better life with more compassion towards others. Those are the qualities that make the difference. Unfortunately most of leaders in today’s business and political world lack this quality.

There are 3 main types of leadership styles: The “dictator”, the “professor” and the “inspirational leader”. The dictator leads by force, forcing his followers to do what he wants. He’s watching his back all the time, expecting to be overthrown one day. The professor leads by knowledge, it’s his subject expertise that’s giving him the edge. Once his knowledge is no longer valid his followers will leave. The inspirational leader leads by example, he teaches his followers to be independent, to have a mind of their own and to grow. Which of those persons do you want to learn from? Which of those persons do you want to be?

Life is a journey. It’s up to us where this journey is taking us. Do we take the easy road? Or are we up for a challenge? A challenge which can take us well beyond what we thought was possible. It’s a challenge to follow our passions in life; our purpose for existence. It’s a choice between being content with an average life, or a conscious choice for personal excellence; to reach our full potential. It’s a challenge to awaken our true self, our authentic self.

Human beings are born to learn and to develop themselves. Our development doesn’t stop when we become adults and leave school. Humans need to have challenges all the time. If we don’t, our personal development slows down or comes to a complete stop. Growing means taking up new responsibilities, new tasks and new challenges. A problem is only a problem if you don’t see it as a challenge, an opportunity to learn.

Awake your authentic self. Take your personal development seriously and surround yourself with inspiring people so you can be inspired and in return be an inspiration to others.

Life is not as simple as we would like it to be. We live and work in a complex world with complex social structures. There is constant pressure on us to perform and act the way others would like us to be or behave. There is pressure from work, pressure from our family and pressure from our friends. They all want something from us. No wonder we find it difficult to stay true to ourselves.

In one of my previous articles How to find your True Self, be your Authentic Self I said that you have to stop playing roles and do not pretend to be better or play something you are not: Throw away the acting and be who you are. But what if we feel a lot of pressure from others to act in a way we are not? How can we resist this pressure? How can we say no?

You will feel this pressure most if you are in an environment which is already compromising your authentic self, your true self; or if you are not following your passion. The easiest way to deal with this is to change the environment to one which feels more right to you. However, this is not always possible. Changing your job may already be a challenge, but what about the people you love; your friends and family? There are very few people who are willing to leave everything behind and begin a new life. And what is the guarantee that your new life will be trouble free?

Sounds like a Catch-22? Well, it’s not. In my Stop blaming others and take control over your life article I explained there are three conscious options to choose from if you do not like a situation you are in:

1. Change the situation if you can
2. Walk away from the situation if you cannot change it
3. Accept the situation for what it is, if there’s no alternative left or an another, higher, motive is a stake

Luckily, in most cases you can change the situation. Remember you are the director of your life, you are in control. Be as open as possible and explain to others what they can expect from you and what not. In other words: Be clear and learn to say no. This step alone can make a huge difference.

If you want to have more control over your live, saying no is an essential thing to learn. You have to show your limits to others. Without it, saying yes all the time, you give away the control to others. You give away your happiness.

You cannot please everyone. You cannot say yes to every request you get. If you do you’ll end up Stressed-Out; dealing with more things on your plate than you can possible handle. People will walk all over you.

So stop saying yes all the time and say no more often. Say no if it doesn’t feel right, if something goes against your intuition. Explain why you cannot accept every request all the time and be amazed how people react. They will respect you for your decision and respect you for staying true to yourself. Learn to say no and stay true to yourself.

One of the biggest personal development steps you can take is to stop being a victim. Stop blaming others for all the bad things that are happening to you and the ones you love. By taking this step you regain responsibility, and control, over your life and will make a shift from reactive to proactive thinking and doing. This is the start of true conscious living: a major leap in your development.

Blaming, we’ve all done it. Something happens and it’s someone else’s fault, not ours. We end up having an argument and, of course, they started it, not us. We are right, they are wrong. Why don’t they see it the way we do? We try to buy that nice flat screen TV set and we blame the credit card company for reaching the limit of our card. We blame our boss, our spouse, our parents, the government, but never ourselves. Our misery is always someone else’s fault.

Indeed, humans are very cleaver putting the blame in someone else’s shoes. It’s an easy thing to do; it’s an easy way out. It’s easy to play the victim role. This way, we do not have to take responsibility; after all, it’s their fault. They are doing it to us. For some of us this is the way we live our lives, day in, day out: A very stressful, anxious way of living.

When blaming others you hand over the responsibility for your happiness to others. In other words: your happiness depends on them. You are not the director of your life, they are. If someone pleases you, you will be happy. If someone fails, you blame them and your happiness fades away. Think of the following situations where you may have blamed others or gave away control over your life. Do they sound familiar?

• Your spouse. ”I can only be happy when he or she behaves in a certain way”. Are you blaming for not being listened to or how you are treated? Maybe you have tried to change him/her and it didn’t work?
• Your parents. Do you blame them for how they treated you? For your education? For loving your sister more then you?
• The government. Are they the cause of your current economic situation and not getting ahead in life? Do you blame them for being unemployed? Blaming the person you voted for in the last election?
• Your work. Have your blamed your boss for not giving you that promotion? And what about your colleagues? Do you like your job?

Maybe it’s time to change and stop blaming others and regain control over your life. Show more compassion. Are you sure you know the big picture? Maybe there is a reason why people act in a certain way and do what they do. Maybe they don’t know better? Maybe you’re wrong and they are right? Maybe you’re both right?

Remember you always have a choice if you do not like the situation you’re in. As I see it you have three options:

1. Change the situation if you can
2. Walk away from the situation if you cannot change it
3. Accept the situation for what it is, if there’s no alternative left or an another, higher, motive is a stake

The fourth option, blaming and suffering, rerunning the situation in your mind, over and over, doesn’t do you any good. It’s causing stress and anxiety, even depression. It’s a major energy drainer. You live now, not in the past. You cannot change what’s already happened. Be the director of your own life. Take responsibility. You are in control. Empower yourself and live consciously. Your happiness is your task, not someone else’s. You always have a choice. Stop blaming others and take control over your life.

—

Unfortunately people do hurt other human beings. Sometimes pretty bad which may leave deep wounds that need to be healed. If this is the case you may need to seek help from a professional who knows how to deal with traumatic situations and events in your life.

Have you ever played a role in your life? Like me, most likely you did; whether it was consciously or unconsciously. Human beings are great actors and play roles all the time. We are the actors in our own lives: Acting to be funny, acting to be tough, and acting to be liked by others. But meanwhile we forget to play the one role that really matters: Being our true self, being our authentic self.

Have you ever met a real authentic person? If you did, I think you will agree with me that there’s something special about them. Authentic people are like magnets, attracting your attention. Authentic people do what they think is right, and let their feelings decide what the right course of action is, not their minds. They also have a “What You See Is What You Get” attitude, and do not worry what others think of them. They have thrown away all the bullshit out of their lives.

I’ll bet you wish to be more authentic, be a more authentic person. Well, the answer is you can. It’s not that difficult. All you have to do is find your true self, be you authentic self.

There are many definition of the true self or (how I usually call it), the authentic self. Here is mine:

The authentic self is the one you are without limiting beliefs, conditioning or any protective walls or strategies you have build around you. It is the real you. It’s your inner child.

Most people have locked their authentic self in the basement of their minds, afraid to show who they really are; embarrassed as they are. But it’s this hiding that’s the cause of internal stress and external communication issues:

First, people who encounter you, unconsciously, know you are not real. They know you are just acting, that you are faking it at some level. Guess what this will do with your communication effectiveness?

Secondly, hiding your authentic self is the cause of stress and anxiety. What if they find out? Keeping up appearances takes away your energy. Think of the following situations: A first date, a business deal or a job interview? Or what about pretending you are happy when you’re not. Sounds familiar?

During our lives we’ve come up with dozens of survival strategies. We needed them, but some of them have become obsolete. We don’t need them any longer. The strategy is limiting you, limiting you to be your true, authentic self. You may have been hurt as a child and brought in a defense or survival strategy. You may have been bullied as a child and decided to act as a comedian, making jokes all the time to be liked. But is this strategy still valid? And what’s the effect on your well being if you are joking on the outside, while crying on the inside?

Why pretend something or someone you are not? Suppose you are all alone, at home or in nature, and no one can see you. How would you act? Is this any different than when people are around? And why do you act differently?

To be more authentic and genuine, stop acting. Stop playing roles. You do not have to pretend to be better or someone you are not. Throw away the acting and just be who you are. You will liberate yourself. You will enjoy a better life and find true happiness. Watch what happens and what enormous affect this has on you and the people around you. You will be a true authentic human being. You will to find your true self and be your authentic self.

Personal development can be a wonderful journey. There is much to learn, explore and to achieve: Personally, financially, spiritually and in the relationships with others. But what if you are stressed out over the fact that you aren’t progressing as much as you would like to? What if you think you cannot reach your goals? What if your personal development journey is taking up too much time, producing little or no results and giving you a headache? What if it’s becoming an obsession?

You are not alone. The risk of personal development is to take it too seriously, to reach a goal that is not your own, to overdo it and to set your goals too high. The will to become a better person has become its own worst enemy. In my opinion there are 4 main reasons for this:

1. Don’t let personal development become an obsession.
2. The personal development path you are taking is not the right path for you.
3. You’re on the right personal development path but are not doing it right.
4. You were on the right personal development path, maybe for a long time, but now it’s time for a change.

1. Don’t let personal development become an obsession

For me, rule and reason number 1 for everything I do is to enjoy it. This applies to private life, work and also to personal development. If there’s no passion and no enjoyment, goals become a struggle and much more difficult to achieve. Don’t let your personal development become an obsession and the source of your stress. What’s the use of developing new skills if you’re not having fun in the process of learning them?

2. The personal development path you are taking is not the right path for you

Everyone is different, so are personal development methods and programs. What can do wonders for one person can have little or no results for the other. Are you sure you are following your own path and not someone else’s? Don’t let someone else make the decisions on your personal growth.

Let’s give an example. I think mediation is a wonderful tool. For me mediation is the cornerstone of my personal development. But that’s for me. What if you do not like to meditate and you are bored to death by it? Then it becomes a struggle and you need to find something else that is effective. Meditation isn’t the only tool that can raise consciousness and reduce stress. Remember there are different roads leading to the same goal.

3. You’re on the right personal development path, but are not doing it right

Let’s take the meditation example again. I have a family and a busy job, I am running two blogs and I also need time to study. My life is filled with activities. There is hardly any time left for something else. That means if I am forcing my meditation efforts on top of all the other activities in my life I run the risk of a major burn-out. Instead I meditation a little smarter and meditate whenever possible, even in places and situation that I normally wouldn’t think of. If I don’t have the time to meditate on a certain day; well, that’s fine too. Remember the best way to incorporate personal development into your life is to make it part of every activity you do.

4. You were on the right personal development path, maybe for a long time, but now it’s time for a change

This is a simple reason, but an often overlooked one. Something that was right for you 10 years ago may not be right for you now. You need to move on and make a change. Maybe you need to take a step back and think about it. Am I enjoying what I am doing? Am I on the right track? Do I need to develop new skills, or has the time come to stop developing myself and enjoy the results? What is the use of learning 10.000 new skills if I do not enjoy them? When is enough?

I’m a huge advocate for following ones passion. The body doesn’t lie and will show you exactly where you are and how passionate you are about a certain personal development tool or method. Just feel and listen to your body. Personal development should be fun and certainly not stressful. If it is, take a step back, evaluate the situation and make the necessary changes in your life. Remember:

• Personal development should be fun. Are you having fun?
• Don’t let someone else make the decisions on your personal development. It’s your life, you decide what’s good for you and what’s not.
• Set your goals but focus on the journey. It is the journey that is important, not the final destination.
• Do not set your goals too high. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.