As a facilitator I normally spend quite some time preparing for a meeting. As mentioned in one of my previous articles, 10 steps to a successful meeting, my experience is that the success of a meeting depends more than 60% on its preparation. A well prepared, and facilitated, meeting most likely will be a successful one.

When you’re organizing a meeting the last things you’re waiting for is someone or something screwing up your meeting. However, you can do the best preparation in the world, but occasionally things will go wrong. It’s inevitable. It’s like Murphy’s Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

People and circumstances may changes, and it is impossible to have control over everything. You can be the best facilitator there is, but that doesn’t guarantee success. Sometimes things are out of your control.

Here’s my top 10 of things to avoid when organizing a meeting. Everything happened at least once while facilitating or attending. Enjoy, I sincerely hope you can avoid them:

1. Fire drill during a conference call. This one occurred during an international conference call I facilitated. Suddenly, in the middle of the call, the fire alarm went off and everyone in the building had to leave the office. As I hosted the call I had to explain to all participants that we couldn’t continue with the call as I had to leave too.
2. Losing control of the virtual meeting room. This happened to me once, but the incident showed why it is so important to send out all relevant documents (including the slides to the participants). When facilitating a call I always use a virtual meeting room to show slides or relevant documents. This is a great method to keep participants focused on the agenda item that is being discussed as they can see what is going on.
3. Noise during a conference call due to people not having their phones on mute. Sometimes people dial in using their cell phones or while they are in a noisy environment. Make sure to send out instructions so people know they have to set their phones on mute. Also know how to mute everyone as noise can disrupt the call.
4. 4 day meeting and no daylight in the meeting room. I once attended a 4 day meeting in New York City. The meeting was held in a 5 star hotel but the meeting room itself had no windows. We were on the 4th floor, but without any daylight it felt as if we were locked in the basement. People will not function 100% if there is no daylight available. Always make sure you have book a meeting room with a window.
5. Important documents or slide deck file missing or corrupt. Always make sure you have backup documents available of the files you need for the meeting.
6. Key people not showing up because they missed their flights and are now trapped at an airport. This one is out of your control, or isn’t it? When you organizing a meeting and you have the luxury of choosing the location make sure you avoid locations which can be snowed in or only can be reach using a hub which is famous for delayed flights.
7. People who haven’t prepared for the meeting. This is the reason why I always send out pre-work or organize a conference call before the meeting.
8. No agenda available or an agenda that is not well prepared. In my career I attended numerous meetings that didn’t have an agenda or used one that wasn’t agreed with the participants. The success of your meeting relies on an agenda that is well prepared and agreed on.
9. Meeting invitation is not clear. This one happened recently. I organized a meeting in Brussels. The meeting was held near the airport in a town called Diegem. The meeting invitation referred to two addresses on the same street: one for the hotel, one for the meeting location but for some reason one of them said the address was in Brussels and not in Diegem. For most participants this was no problem as they arrived by plain and took a taxi directly to the hotel. All, except for one, who drove directly to the meeting location using his navigation system. To make it even worse this person was supposed to do the kick-off and because I didn’t check the addresses (which I normally do) he arrived late.
10. Lack of sleep. Feeling tired will impact your effectiveness and that of the participants. Always get plenty of sleep. Especially if you are facilitating. Your level of enthusiasm and energy is contagious. If you are energetic, the participants be will too.

I learned my lessons, will you too? Prepare well and be prepared to face all kinds of disasters. Always have a backup plan. Keep smiling, I survived, so will you.

We all appreciate honesty. People often feel it as a personal attack when people lie. It’s a trait we can live without; if done to us. But what about telling lies ourselves, even a white lie, isn’t that as bad or even worse as when people lie to us? And what about lying to ourselves? Who are we fooling here?

During a visit to San Francisco I once encountered a panhandler with the following sign:

“Let’s be honest I need a beer”

Now that’s what I call being honest! I had a good laugh that day and wished everyone could be as honest and wise as this man. He was not pretending or playing a role, as most people do, only expressing his needs. Wouldn’t life be great if people held up signs clearly saying what they really wanted? Wouldn’t life be great if people stopped lying and pretending?

Why do people lie?

Before I continue I have a confession to make. I lie. I’m trying to get rid of the habit but occasionally I lie too. It’s mostly small stuff like white lies and sometimes a bigger lie to cover up something I haven’t done or forgot to do. Occasionally I keep the truth to myself to avoid hurting other people feelings. I guess I am not alone as almost everyone on this planet lies too.

Maybe you, not me! Is this what you’re thinking now? I invite you to have a look at the following list. After reading it, can you honestly say that you don’t lie, ever, to others and to yourself?

• Compulsive lying
• Big lies
• White lies
• Bluffing
• Gossiping
• Keeping information to yourself
• Telling half of the truth
• Making something more beautiful than it really is
• Be vague to others
• Keep your emotions and feelings to yourself
• Show false emotions to get what you want (emotional blackmail)
• Playing a role like “the tough guy” or “the bitch”, while that is not who you really are
• Making false promises to yourself: “I’m going to quit smoking at the end of the month”

So now we concluded that we all lie, some more than others, why is it so bad? To me there are three reasons:

First, the most obvious reason is that lying is not a nice thing to do. You can literally feel it in your body as negative energy when you lie. You can hurt someone with a lie. Fooling others may work for a while, but eventually the truth will prevail. The lie may even begin to hurt you too, keeping you awake at night. So why spend so much negative energy on lying, covering up, all the excuses, secrets and taken track of them when it is so much easier to simple tell the truth? Give it a try, you will see.

Secondly, if you lie, keep secrets, or play a role, pretend to be someone you are not, people will notice this. If not conscious, then sub consciously. People will not see you as authentic. They will sense that there is something wrong with you, but cannot pinpoint exactly what it is. This will diminish their trust in you and in return they will not open up as well. They may even lie to you. Is that what you really want?

The thirds reason: Why lie to yourself? If you cannot be honest to yourself, how do you think others will treat you?

Stop lying and be honest to yourself and to others. It will make your life much easier. Instead of lying, pretending or being vague all the time, you will be more authentic; in touch with your authentic self. Avoid having secrets and be as open as possible. Throw away all the excuses. Let’s be honest from now on.

I’m making a conscious effort to ban the lie out of my life. I’m making a conscious effort to be as real and authentic as I can be, to awake my authentic self. I may make some mistakes along the way, but I will prevail. I will ban the lie out of my life. Will you join me? Be honest and stop lying to yourself and to others.

What is inspiration? How to find inspiration? I guess there are many definitions, but to me it is an insight or idea that can give a new perspective to something I’m working on. It can also be a completely new idea I’ve never thought of before. Inspiration may provide me with guidance that can lead to a new direction in life. Without inspiration, positive change cannot happen.

Painter and writers need inspiration, it’s their source from which they create; without inspiration they are lost. The best business ideas come out of inspiration, one single idea leading to something big. All our best decisions in life start as inspiration.

It’s funny how I find my inspiration; or is it that inspiration finds me? Sometimes it’s a little idea, where I need to write it down as soon as possible before it gets lost. Most articles in this blog started this way, even this one. I quickly store my inspirational ideas on my blackberry and retrieved them when I have time to work them out. Other ideas come to me in the form of revelations; big ideas with the power to change my perspective completely. Another form of inspiration is what I call the chain event, one piece of inspiration leading to the other, all starting from one small idea.

Inspiration comes from a deeper level than the thinking mind, not from our thoughts but from the sub conscious. It’s in situations when we do not think, the moments between our thoughts that we get inspired. Like intuition, it’s more like a feeling. You will literally feel it in your body when you received something good. Cherish this, as it is your guidance to an authentic life. It’s a direction given to you by your authentic self.

How to find inspiration?

When was the last time you had an inspirational moment? Think about it for a while. When was the last time you got inspired? Was this during a stressful period or when you were more relaxed? Did inspiration come up during a lot of thought chatter or when you experienced a moment of silence? I think I know the answer. I think I know how to find inspiration.

To receive inspiration we need to be relaxed and certainly not stressed, angry, worried, tired or drunk. A natural environment is helpful too. In all the occasions that I received inspiration, it never came to me when I was full of thought. There has to be a moment of silence, and opening for inspiration to come through. For me a walk in the park is usually all it takes to get the inspiration flowing again. Meditation is helpful too.

Inspiration and passion are closely related. Without passion there cannot be inspiration. You will not get inspired if you are doing something you don’t like. It’s impossible. That’s why it’s so important to follow your passion in life. To do the things you really like to do. Where passion is, you’ll find inspiration too.

Remember the last time you had a vacation? I’ll bet it took some time for you to get accustomed to the rhythm and simplicity of this temporary and well deserved life. For me it used to be like this: I was literary worn-out from all the things going on in my life. Stressed and, of course, little or no inspiration whatsoever. Usually it took me a couple of days to de-stress from my busy life. But after that I begin to feel good again, better than before. Inspiration is starting to flow, one idea generating after the other. At the end of the vacation I am refreshed, ready to take on anything, ready to find new inspiration.

The above example indicates how important a relaxed lifestyle is for inspiration. The trick is to live this life all the time, not only when you are on vacation. I vowed to live like this all the time. I think I manage pretty well. Well, that’s most of the times. Read my Living a simple life is living a stress free life article to see what happened during my last vacation.

I think there is a serious flaw in how most people live their lives. We think we need to do as much things as possible to get ahead. The more we do and the faster we do it, the better we become is the common understanding. This is certainly true to some extent, but without setting aside plenty of time to do nothing we don’t get anywhere. It’s the time between our actions that determines the quality of them; it’s the time between our thoughts that gives us inspiration.

We can only get inspired when our inner voice shuts down. We can only find inspiration from the power of doing nothing.

I just returned from a short vacation with my wife Sigrid and daughter Rosanne. We rented a little cottage in the middle of the forest and had a wonderful time. We all needed this vacation to relax and spend some time together as a family.

The last couple of weeks have been quite busy for us. Sigrid had a back injury from which she is recovering now and I have been taking care of Rosanne, trying to do my day time job, studying and maintaining this blog. I had little energy left and was a bit stressed. The vacation came in just the right time for all of us.

The funny thing with running a personal development blog is that I am very conscious of the fact that I have been pushing it to my limits in the weeks before the vacation. This is a kind of awareness I acquired over the last couple of years. But even with this knowledge life sometimes gives me these little lessons why it is so important to relax and live a simple life which is enlightened, authentic and stress free. I also found out that having this personal development knowledge and act accordingly are two different things. So I guess I still have some work to do.

One of the reasons why the vacation was such a great success is that it simplified my life. There is not a lot to do in a little cottage. No work to finish, no rooms to clean, no jobs around the house, no garage to work in or a big meal to cook. There is no time for stress. There’s only time to relax, doing some hikes in the forest and in the evening taking care of the fire in the fireplace. And did I already mention the luxury of having a sauna in the cottage? What a way to relax!

At the end of the week my energy level was up again. Inspiration was flowing, generating one idea after the other. I felt I can take on life again. But how can I maintain this relaxed, stress free feeling now I’m back at home?

In my article Keep it simple and live an enlightened life I said that human beings are good at making simple things complex. More complex than it should be, spending most of our time and energy on things we do not need. I now know I need to further reduce the complexity of my own life; private and at the office. In the last two weeks before this vacation I felt that Iife was controlling me, instead of me controlling my own life. I can assure you I never want to feel this powerless again.

This vacation was a very valuable lesson for me. It showed I had too much stuff going on in my life, stuff I can do without. It was a lesson in simplicity and how to apply it to my own life, all the time, not only when I’m away from home.

I decided go through my life to make it simple again; take out all the unnecessary things and obligations that cost too much time and drains my energy. Never again do I want to feel powerless and stressed. Instead I want to feel empowered; empowered to be the director of my own life. Here is my new motto: Living a simple life is living a stress free life.

We all want to be proud of the things we do. There are few things that feel better than doing a job well done and receive the appreciation for it; whether this is in the work environment or in our personal lives. Running a good project or being a good dad can give us appreciation and a fulfilling feeling. With doing something perfect the satisfaction can be even greater.

There is nothing wrong with doing a perfect job. The pursuit for excellence can be a good goal in itself. But what if it’s becoming an obsession? What if being perfect, all the time, is controlling your life? What if good isn’t enough and everything needs to be perfect? What if you are a “control freak”?

The problem with doing everything perfect is that it is a fairy tale, something too good to be true. The need to perform all the time, even when it is not necessary, is causing a continuous stream of stress. Perfectionism can work for some time but at a certain point you pay the price with stress and anxiety as result, maybe worse. Let’s examine why people are perfectionists and what can be done about it.

The cause – Trying to be perfect

People who are perfectionist want to have control all the time. Afraid no one can do the job better than them. But is this really true? Or is it just an excuse? And if it’s an excuse, what is it for?

It’s no surprise that most perfectionists are very insecure people. This insecurity is often the source of their perfectionism. Nothing is good enough and there may be a little voice in their head saying people will not like them if they produce less than perfect results. Afraid as they are they are not living up to the standard. But whose standard is it?

If you are a perfectionist, I invite you to investigate this: Why are you trying to be perfect? Do you think no one can do it better than you? Are you looking for appreciation, afraid people will not like you anymore if you produce less than perfect results? Do you want to control everything? Are you afraid to lose control? What will happen if you do?

The effect – Stress, anxiety and burn out

As long as the perfectionist is in control, or thinks he is in control, the situation is fine. But as soon as things do not go as planned (and they will) the perfectionist needs to re-establish the status quo at any costs.

In its attempt to remain in his comfort zone, the perfectionist needs to control every situation and everyone in his or her life. As soon as the perfectionist makes a mistake, and corrects this, he will attempt to control ever harder: determined not to make that same mistake again. It’s a downward spiral with stress and anxiety, and maybe a depression, as result.

There is no way you can do everything in your life perfect, it’s a myth. If you do there is a good chance you may end up having a burn-out. Did you know that perfectionism ranks high as one of the main causes of a burn-out?

The solution – Give up control

How long do you think you can keep doing everything perfect? Give up control. Realize you can only control the things that are in your circle of influence and even then things and events do not go as planned. There is no way you can control everything and everyone in your life. If you do you’ll end up being miserable, stressed-out with the risk of a serious depression or burn-out.

Stop resisting change, embrace it. Once you accept that change is natural and control is a myth you will be liberated, ready to start a new life. Stop being a perfectionist and give up control.

Life was never meant to be complex. Like water, life flows best without any obstacles and likes to follow the shortest possible route to its destination. Everything else produces unneeded resistance, anxiety and stress. If you look at nature there’s a natural flow and rhythm which embraces everything. Everything, with one exception: the human race.

In its core, life is simple: You eat a little, relax a little, have some fun and everything should work out fine. At least that’s how it was intended en can be. It certainly was when we were hunter-gatherers; living from the things nature provided us. But look how we ended up: Instead of living a simple, enlightened life, where beauty can be found in the little things, we’ve turned everything around. We made simple things complex. More complex than it should be, spending our time and energy on things we do not need. Life has become a struggle.

Have a look at the following examples. What do you think, do they sound familiar?

• Instead of working together we compete with one another to satisfy our egos. Refusing to back-off, we fight to the bitter end, even when we are clearly wrong. Often we both lose with this kind of behavior.
• Instead of trusting our feelings we believe our troubled thoughts. Stress is an indication there’s something wrong with how we look and perceive certain things in our life. Isn’t it time to investigate our stressful thoughts?
• Wealth is mindset, but often we believe wealth is only within our bank accounts.
• We hardly notice the beauty in the smaller things. When was the last time you enjoyed walking in the park while listening to the birds, singing in the trees above you?
• Instead of embracing change as a natural part of life, we resist and get stressed-out over it. I can make you one promise: nothing stays the same. Change is very normal.
• We need to plan our time to relax; instead of living a relaxed life.
• We work long hours to provide for our children which we hardly see. What do you think they prefer more? Having more toys or a parent who spends more time with them?
• What’s more important about the clothes you wear? The brand name or how they fit and feel? And what is it you are buying with those designer clothes? An image for yourself? Are you trying to hide your true, authentic self?
• How much stuff have you collected over the years? Isn’t it time to get rid if things you don’t need any longer?
• Are you making plans to be happy in the future? What’s wrong with being happy now?

There are a lot more examples which I didn’t mentioned, but I hope you get my point. In essence a simple life is an enlightened life which certainly should not be a struggle. Less stuff and fewer things to worry about will make room for growth: personal and spiritual.

Why take life so serious? Let go and enjoy the flow. Image you are floating on a river. The current will guide you. If you resist you will get tired and may drown. If you let go the river will take you to places you have never seen before. Enjoy the ride. Keep it simple and live an enlightened life.