Have you ever taken notice of the different roles you play in life and which of those roles is closest to your core being, the real you, your authentic self?

People play roles all the time. Some people identify with their jobs, being married, and others because of their (financial) status. But is this who they really are? What if they lose that job, get divorced, or lose all the money they have? Is their identity gone? Have they identified so much with a role, even if it causes them a lot of stress, that they suffer to the extend that they do not know who they are, or know what to do, when that role is gone?

While working as a facilitator, I play that role. But is this who I am? Or while writing this article, I play the role of writer. But am I that writer? I guess being a writer on my blog about personal growth & development comes pretty close to my core being, my authentic self. I know this because writing this article gives me joy. I like what I am doing, in this moment.

My personal experience is that you should listen to your body. It is the perfect indicator if something is good for you or not. If you feel relaxed and joyful at what you do, it is good. If you experience anxiety or stress, it is not. Please find below some guidelines on how to come closer to your authentic self and find the roles that are good for you:

• If you’re experience a lot of fun or bliss while performing a role (or anything else you are doing), it is a good indicator that that role is close to your core being, your authentic self. It may be different in the future, but for now your body is supporting that role. 
• If a role causes you a lot of stress, there may be something wrong. This could be the role itself or the perception of that role. Please investigate the cause and question if that role is still good for you or that you should move on. Make sure you investigate thoroughly as the cause of that stress could be something that is not expected at first, and may not relate to the role at all. 
• Change is normal and should not be avoided. Enjoy the roles you are performing at this moment, but do not identify with them to the extend that when they are gone, you lose your identity. Remember it is a role you are playing. You are the actor of your life, a new role will come along.

Live is meant to be fun. Make sure you take full advantage of it. Perform the roles that are closest to your heart and authentic self. Make sure to follow your bliss!

The Diamond Cutter – Geshe Michael Roach

Michael Roach, a Buddhist monk in the Tibetan tradition, was encouraged by his principal teacher to enter the world of business as the perfect laboratory to test out Buddhist wisdom and ideas in real life. He soon finds himself working in the Diamond business, which means a two hour commute every day from the monastery to Manhattan.

In The Diamond Cutter Michael Roach tells the story of how he helped to build the Andin International Diamond Corporation (which started from a $50.000 loan and 3 to 4 employees,  to a company making sales in excess of 100 million dollars with over 500 employees all over the world) using his Buddhist values.

The beauty of this book is that it is blending 3 different topics together:

• The story of how a diamond company is operating. Which in itself is quite interesting, you will never again wonder why a diamond ring cost you a fortune.
• The Diamond Sutra, an ancient text of conversations between the Buddha and one of his disciples
• What the Buddhist concept of emptiness and the law of cause and effect, or karma,  is and how it will impact your leadership decisions, business and daily life

The above makes The Diamond Cutter a mix of a typical leadership book in the style of Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and a book about Tibetan Buddhist principles. Recommended.

FYI, I removed the Awake Your Authentic Self Forum from the site.

An excellent way to get the most out of life is to set personal development goals. Surprisingly not many people set goals, or even think about what they truly want in life. But the people who do, usually are the ones who do much better compared to the people who don’t.

The basic idea of setting goals is to spend some time thinking about what is important for you to achieve in life in general, or something specific like in business. This in itself is a valuable exercise. Think about your core values and then write down your goals. If you have only one goal, that is fine, if you have more, that if fine as well. Ideally you want to look at your goals once in a while, of even better on a daily basis. This whole process makes sure your goals are stored, like a computer program, in your subconscious.

Now what is the best way to set goals? One way of doing this is to make your goals SMART. SMART stands for: S=Specific, M=Measurable, A=Attainable, R=Realistic and T=Timely. This method is especially useful in setting business goals.

Another way of defining goals (and my preferred one for personal development goals) is to phrase them as if they already are reality, and in a positive way:

• I allow myself to live a healthy and enlightened life
• I have all the money I need
• I am a good parent and husband

Whichever method you choose, and there are plenty more, make sure your goals are believable. This means that if you set a goal like “I want 10 million asap”, you will probably react like: yeah right, this will never happen! So whenever you set a goal it must be something you, and your subconscious, can believe in.

Another important guideline is not to focus on the lack of things, like “I do not want to be fat”, as your subconscious mind will focus on being fat. If you want to lose weight, it would be better to set a goal like “I allow myself to a healthy body”.

The Anatomy of Peace – Resolving the Heart of Conflict – The Arbinger Institute (http://www.arbinger.com)

Lou Herbert needs to rearrange his life, his thinking and the way he communicates to people in order to reestablish the bond between himself, his wife Carol, the people who work for him and especially his son Cory.

Lou’s son Cory is send to a wilderness camp to deal with his issues and to stay out of trouble with the law. Part of this arrangement is that Lou, as a parent, needs to attend a two day workshop as well. In this workshop, which is led by an Arab and a Jew, Lou learns to find peace in his heart.

The Anatomy of Peace is the follow-up book of Leadership and Self Deception (but takes place many years before) and tells the story of how Lou Herbert transforms from a man who blames everyone except himself to a successful entrepreneur who is highly respected in private and business life. 

People who have read Leadership and Self Deception may remember Lou Herbert as the man who teaches how to get “out of the box” to every new employee in his company. The idea of that book (if we do not honer the initial reaction to a choice we face, we betray ourselves) is worked out in greater detail in The Anatomy of Peace and learns us how we can resolve conflicts, and make peace with ourself and with others; on a private and global scale.   

Highly recommended.

Most people in our western society think that meditation is something that only Buddhist monks or Indian yogi’s do. By doing this they ignore the fact that meditation, as a practice, is also done by business people, athletes or normal folks like you and me. Meditation can be very relaxing and rewarding, like walking in the forest or listening to good music.

While Buddhists use meditation to expand their awareness, awaken and get enlightened (like the Buddha did 2500 years ago), in it’s most basic form mediation is nothing more than closing your eyes to still the mind. You don’t need to sit in full lotus position, a chair will do as well. A moment for yourself, away from all the noise, stress and anxiety of daily life. Think of it as a recharge to release all the stress that has been building up in the mind and nervous system.

If you’re still with me, and didn’t surf to another site, try the following exercise: Close your eyes for 1 minute and try not to think. How did that feel? How many seconds did it take without thinking a single thought? I’ll bet trying not to think was more difficult then you thought it would be!

Now try the following: Close your eyes, breath in and out (deeply, from the lower belly) for about 3 times. Keep concentrating on your breath for approximately 1 minute. How did that feel? Was your mind more silent than in the exercise above? I think so as you just learned a basic meditation technique! By concentrating on your breath you take away your attention from the mind, which results in less mental “noise”. Now, if you got the hang of it, try to extend the time a little. You will see that even 5 minutes a day can make a huge difference.

There are literally thousands of different meditation techniques. Most are designed to take away the attention from the mind, to reduce mental activity. Below are a few basic techniques:

• Breathing meditation, as described above.
• Concentrate on the body. Scan you body slowly from your feet up to your head.
• Mantra meditation, the use of a special word which is repeated in the mind.
• Just sit and let your thoughts come and go without identifying with them.
• Guided meditation, use of a teacher or meditation CD.

If you go to a good bookstore or Amazon you will find plenty of books on the subject. Beware that if you do an Internet search you can be overwelmed by the number of sites and information. Some sites even suggest that their method is better then others. If you start out with meditation, choose the method which feels the most natural to you. Remember, there may me subtle differences in the level of effectiveness between meditation techniques, but any technique, even practices for 5 minutes a day, is better than not to meditate at all.

 Below are a couple of sites which I think give good information on how to meditate and meditation in general:

• http://www.unlock-your-happiness.com Site promoting Conscious Mental Rest (CMR). Lots of good information, run by Gavin Hoole. CMR is a very natural way of meditation and is one of my preferred ways to meditate.
• http://www.natural-stress-relief.com Mantra meditation, Natural Stress Relief (NSR) is slightly based on Transcendental Meditation (TM). NSR is also one of my favorite ways to meditate.
• http://www.meditation-methods.com
• http://wildmind.org Site devoted to Buddhist meditation.
• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meditation
• http://www.bliss-music.com Site owned by Kip Mazuy who creates meditation music.