The last couple of years have been an amazing journey for me. Creating this article is a good example. It all started with a previous article on victimhood on my Dutch site Patrick Schriel Coaching & Training which was picked-up by a local radio station. They asked me to do a radio interview about people who complain all the time, victimhood and the drama triangle. To prepare I a bit I wrote the drama triangle: persecutor, rescuer and victim article, which I also posted on this site.

Shortly after that I received a comment from someone working for David Emerald team letting me know there is a book called The Power of TED (The Empowerment Dynamic). One thing led to another and I agreed to do a review on David Emerald’s book.

In the drama triangle: persecutor, rescuer and victim I concluded that there is an antidote to the drama triangle: the winner’s triangle, Instead of being the persecutor you can become more assertive. Transform victimhood into vulnerability and take responsibility for your own life. And once you stop being the rescuer you can become caring towards others, helping others only when they ask for it.

The Power of TED takes on another approach. TED (The Empowerment Dynamic] is an antidote to the drama triangle. David Emerald presents TED to us as a story in which the lead character David is taking some time off at the beach to contemplate on his life, his divorce, and all the things that went wrong in his life. He wants to find an escape from his own victimhood. It is there where he meets Ted who introduces him to the creator, challenger and coach roles.

As a story the power of TED is brilliantly simple, as all good things are in life, but the message and examples are very recognizable, uplifting and can lead to real transformation. I’ve seen other explanations of the drama triangle before and how to escape from it, but Dave Emerald takes this to a whole new level. His message is simple but clear: Most people are living their lives from within the victim orientation seeing all the things that are happening to them as problems. As they try to solve then, what they get in return are more problems in their lives to solve.

Once you find an escape from the “dreaded drama triangle” you can take on the role of creator, focusing on your goals and visions. At this point the drama triangle transform into TED where creator is the opposite of victim, challenger the opposite of persecutor and coach that of rescuer. You now focus on solutions instead of problem.

If you enjoy books like Who move my cheese?, The one minute manager and Leadership and self deception you will definitely like The power of TED. It’s written in the same style with the potential to change your life.

If you want to know more about David Emerald, please visit his site The Power of TED.

The power of TED is highly recommended!

In my article about The Definition of Success I shared my views on what success and wealth means to me: My definition of success is about feeling good, doing what I like to do. Wealth is living with the people I love, caring about others.

This definition of success is a bit different than what is usually meant by being successful. For most people having money is the same as being wealthy and successful. My definition of success is different. But does this mean that I don’t care about money or see the love of money as the root of all evil? No, I like money, I love it. The difference is that money is not dominating my life. I see it as a tool.

I recently listened to the audio book version of Rich Dad, Poor Dad, in which the author, Robert Kiyosaki, says that rich people are rich at heart and have a rich mindset. While poor people are poor at heart and have a poor mindset. This is quite a difference in perception and attitude towards money.

Poor people usually fear money. They play is safe and never learn to master it. Money is dominating them. They are the people that would say that the love of money is the root of all evil. They simply do not understand what money really is and how it can be made. It is this attitude that makes and keeps them poor (moneywise). They work for money.

Rich people see money as a tool. They learn to master it so they can to create the life they want to live. They have a rich attitude. Money works for them.

Have a look at the following examples: If a guy with a poor attitude wins a huge amount of money and never learns to master it; it will not take long till he is broke again. He will spend it all. Buying things he doesn’t need. He may even end up with more dept then he had before. While, on the other hand, if someone with a rich attitude goes bankrupt, that person has a good chance to recover because of his rich attitude and knowledge about money. He will make investments and sees the whole experience as a lesson learned. Making sure he will never make the same mistake again.

Then what about the fixation of our society towards money? The role money plays in our lives? The wars fought over it and all the bad things caused by greedy people? Wouldn’t we be better off without money?

The way I see it is that money in itself is not the problem, nor is the love of money. It’s the believe people have that money will solve all their problems. This can happen to people with a rich mindset but also to those with a poor one. They believe in an illusion that money will make them happy. However, in my opinion, The Secret to Happiness has nothing to do with money.

Another thing, why speak negative about money? You can do a lot of positive things with it. The more you have of it, the more you can invest in positive things or give away. Give some to charity, to your favorite project or someone who can use it right now.

After listening to “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” I realized my definition of success is not that different than that of those who have a rich mindset (or at least that of Robert Kiyosaki). To me, money is a means not an end. Money is a tool, helping me living the life I want to live. A life I want to live now, not tomorrow.

Power vs. Force – The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior – David R. Hawkins

It is difficult to believe in Kinesiologic testing (Behavior Kinesiology or wider known as muscle testing) without seeing it with your own eyes. I’ve seen it work and it is fascinating. For example, questions like “Is artificial sweetener good for me?” can be answered by it.

But what if we can use Kinesiologic testing for a much wider range of applications? What if we can test someone’s level of consciousness? David Hawkins has found that, simply by testing the muscle response on a test person’s stretched arm, he can determine the truth or falsehood of any statement or supposed fact. This includes the test person’s level of consciousness as well. He can find out if that person is depressed or enlightened.

Not only can he get the level of consciousness from the test person, but he can get it from any other person (including people who lived long ago) organization, religion or country on this planet. Power vs. Force is the result of many years of research and thousands of tests, resulting in David Hawkins Map of Consciousness.

Now how can it be possible that one person’s test response can give an answer for someone else, even if they have never met, communicated or know each other? The stunning implication of David Hawkins research is that all human beings must be interlinked together.

Power vs. Force is one of the most fascination and thought provoking books I have ever read. Power vs. Force is the first of a trilogy which explores the whole human condition and consciousness. Highly recommended.

(David Hawkins – Link to Nightingale Conant Audio Programs)

If you are a regular visitor of this blog you may have noticed that I changed the design quite a bit. Reason for this is that I decided to use the Thesis WordPress theme from now on.

The beauty of WordPress, as a blogging platform, is that it is very easy to use and customizable (no coding experience necessary). Customizing can be done in two ways: Use plugins to add extra functionality and themes to make the blog look more visually attractive and to give it its own identity.

As you may know there a two kind of WordPress Themes available; free themes which can be downloaded and used without any charge and commercial themes like Thesis.

So why did I switch from my old free theme to Thesis and spend $87 for it? It wasn’t that I didn’t like the design of my old (free) theme anymore. In fact I did like it very much. But it was limiting me in a way that I could not make all the changes I thought were necessary. I also believed it was limiting SEO (Search Engine Optimization) a bit.

Before I bought the theme I did some research on the internet and found out that people who use Thesis theme were very enthusiastic about it. The Thesis theme is extremely flexible, good for SEO and support from DIY Themes (the theme creators) is very good as well. Thesis is more than just a WordPress theme. The creators refer to it as a framework, which can be customized in any way you like.

Customization can be done in two ways; Through the Thesis Options and Design screens in the WordPress admin pages and by adding code to the custom.css and custom_functions.php files. For example, the header image and menu navigator colors of this blog are things that have been customized. I had to put some code in the custom.css and custom_functions.php to make this work. I am not a programmer myself, but with the excellent Thesis resources and examples available, it was very easy to create my own style after a little practice. With the new version, Thesis 1.6, you can now change colors from within the Thesis menus without adding code to the custom.css file.

Be warned that Thesis is not a theme once you add it into your WordPress themes folder you are all set. You have to tweak it to make the best use of it. Of course, you can use thesis without putting some code into the custom.css and custom_functions.php files, but that will leave you with a rather dull theme. It will work and may even look better than most free themes available, but the real power of Thesis is in the customization. You need to put in some effort to make it work.

If tweaking is not for you, I think you are better off using another (free or commercial) WordPress theme. Or maybe use Artisteer, which is a WordPress theme generator. But if you are willing to put in some effort, there is currently no better WordPress theme available than Thesis.

I will continue tweaking this blog and use Thesis theme. So expect more changes in the future now I’ve got the hang of it. I love Thesis!

Have you even noticed that the things you like give you energy and the things you don’t  seem to drain the energy out of you? Think of it for a while. Does your current job give you energy or are you drained when the working day is over? And what about the other activities in your life? The food you eat and the relationships you have with other people?

It is funny to see how your body reacts to what is good for you and what isn’t. Before the conscious mind knows, the unconscious mind and your body are already aware of it.

On a recent flight to New York City I was reading a book called Your Body Doesn’t Lieby John Diamond. The book is fairly old, originally published in 1980, but the content is still up-to-date. If you have never heard of Behavioral Kinesiology (BK); maybe you have heard of muscle testing, which is the same. In Your Body Doesn’t Lie John Diamond describes what BK is, how to apply it and the role the Thymus Gland plays on our immune system.

In BK a test person is stretching out his arm horizontally which then can be testing by another person by pushing down on the arm when asking a question. They can then test how strong or weak the muscles in the arm reacts toward a question or another object. If something is good or positive the arm will hold, if something is negative or bad the arm can be pushed down.

Now before you think this is all imagination of the mind, I have seen this work many times and every time it is fascinating to see or experience myself. Your Body Doesn’t Lie is a good introduction to BK and a recommended read. But be warned: Your Body Doesn’t Lie may change your view on processed food forever.

Before reading Your Body Doesn’t Lie I had been reading Power vs. Force: The Hidden Determinants of Human Behaviorby David Hawkins. David Hawkins mentioned John Diamond as the one from who he learned muscle testing and this is how I came interested to read Your Body Doesn’t Lie in the first place, to get some background information. In Power vs. Force David Hawkins is taken muscle testing (he calls his method Kinesiologic Testing) to another level and explores the whole human condition and consciousness. Fascinating stuff which I will review in detail another time.

Both Your Body Doesn’t Lie and Power vs. Force have been added to my Recommended page, which you may want to check out for other recommended books as well.

Making Time: Why Time Seems to Pass at Different Speeds and How to Control It – Steve Taylor

Have you ever wondered why time seems to speed up as we are getting older? Or why time slows down when we are bored or sitting in the dentist chair? And why time seems to expand when we are experiencing new situations in our life, like traveling to a part of the world we have never been before? In Making Time, Steve Taylor gives an answer to all these questions.

Steve Taylor’s previous book, The Fall: The Insanity of the Ego in Human History and the Dawning of A New Era(also recommended and I may review it some day), dealt with the question why people, thousand years ago, have fallen out of an almost perfect society into the current ego dominated way of living. Remarkably, one of the reasons why this happened was the strengthened sense of self, or ego.

In Making Time, Steve Taylor does a very good job presenting his five laws of psychological time and how to transcend them. One of the ways to do this is to quiet the ego as it is the ego that is responsible for creating our perception of time. Or as mentioned in some spiritual teachings: Time does not really exists, it is all made up in the mind.

The author also explains how higher states of consciousness can effect our time perception. And that a practice of meditation and/or mindfulness can help us quiet the mind, to slow down time or even transcend it.

I truly enjoyed reading Making Time as it is giving me a new perspective on how people perceive time and how to make the best use of it. As with all things in life, you have to flow with it, resistance will only make it worse.

Making Time is a fascinating book to read. Recommended.

If you have not heard of Eckhart Tolle before and would meet him for the first time, your first impression would probably be that of a very ordinary, simple man. You may even find him a bit boring when you hear him speak. But don’t judge a book by it’s cover as this man is one of the most remarkable (spiritual) teachers of today.

His message is very simple: Do not (unconsciously) dwell in the past or the future but stay present in the now, the present moment.

This message is not new, as many people advocate to be more present, or being conscious. But Eckhart Tolle presents this in such a simple and easy to understand way, that if you still do not understand what he tries to convey, you are probably not ready yet for this powerful teaching.

He also talks about people’s unconscious behaviour. This is what he calls the pain body. The pain body is like a hidden shadow which once activated, can take over a person completely. Ever wondered why people suddenly can act like crazy, provoked by one simple word? Well, it’s because they are taken over by their pain body. This is very informative information which gave me a lot of insight about myself and others.

Eckhart Tolle has written two books, The Power of Now and A New Earth. Both very powerful and highly recommended. I would also recommend to check out his numerous audio and video programs.

The Skilled Facilitator – Roger Schwarz The Skilled Facilitator: A Comprehensive Resource for Consultants, Facilitators, Managers, Trainers, and Coaches

I am a facilitator/coordinator and had the privilege to attend The Skilled Facilitator Intensive Workshop in June ’08. This was just a couple of months before the financial crisis hit Wall Street and all the other markets around the globe. Would I have tried to sign-up for this training a couple of months later, my company would have asked if I’ve gone mad and never allowed me to travel from Europe all the way to Austin, TX.  

My expectations for the workshop were pretty high, after reading The Skilled Facilitator book by Roger Schwarz and the workshop description on the web. But after attending the training, up till now, I can honestly say that this was by far the best training I ever did. This is not just an approach on how to facilitate groups, but it also teaches how to communicate honestly, and with integrity, with people in general.

Why is this such a special approach? The Skilled Facilitator approach is based on 5 core values:

• Transparency
• Curiosity
• Accountability
• Informed Choice
• Compassion

The model they use is called the Mutual Learning Model and is based on the core values mentioned above. It teaches to synchronize your thinking with your actions. It also recognizes that we all share a piece of the truth, as everyone is right from their point of view, and teaches to be compassionate against each other.

Another good thing about the workshop were the exercises which gave me a good mirror how I and other people behave in group discussions and difficult situation. And how applying the Mutual Learning Model would make facilitation and (group) communication more efficient. Very useful and practical.

If you are a facilitator, manager, improving your leadership skills or need to communicate often to your fellow human beings, I highly recommend The Skilled Facilitator book. Or even better, The Skilled Facilitator Intensive Workshop.

For further info contact the Roger Schwarz & Associates site: http://www.schwarzassociates.com/

The Diamond Cutter – Geshe Michael Roach

Michael Roach, a Buddhist monk in the Tibetan tradition, was encouraged by his principal teacher to enter the world of business as the perfect laboratory to test out Buddhist wisdom and ideas in real life. He soon finds himself working in the Diamond business, which means a two hour commute every day from the monastery to Manhattan.

In The Diamond Cutter Michael Roach tells the story of how he helped to build the Andin International Diamond Corporation (which started from a $50.000 loan and 3 to 4 employees,  to a company making sales in excess of 100 million dollars with over 500 employees all over the world) using his Buddhist values.

The beauty of this book is that it is blending 3 different topics together:

• The story of how a diamond company is operating. Which in itself is quite interesting, you will never again wonder why a diamond ring cost you a fortune.
• The Diamond Sutra, an ancient text of conversations between the Buddha and one of his disciples
• What the Buddhist concept of emptiness and the law of cause and effect, or karma,  is and how it will impact your leadership decisions, business and daily life

The above makes The Diamond Cutter a mix of a typical leadership book in the style of Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and a book about Tibetan Buddhist principles. Recommended.

The Anatomy of Peace – Resolving the Heart of Conflict - The Arbinger Institute (http://www.arbinger.com)

Lou Herbert needs to rearrange his life, his thinking and the way he communicates to people in order to reestablish the bond between himself, his wife Carol, the people who work for him and especially his son Cory.

Lou’s son Cory is send to a wilderness camp to deal with his issues and to stay out of trouble with the law. Part of this arrangement is that Lou, as a parent, needs to attend a two day workshop as well. In this workshop, which is led by an Arab and a Jew, Lou learns to find peace in his heart.

The Anatomy of Peace is the follow-up book of Leadership and Self Deception (but takes place many years before) and tells the story of how Lou Herbert transforms from a man who blames everyone except himself to a successful entrepreneur who is highly respected in private and business life. 

People who have read Leadership and Self Deception may remember Lou Herbert as the man who teaches how to get ”out of the box” to every new employee in his company. The idea of that book (if we do not honer the initial reaction to a choice we face, we betray ourselves) is worked out in greater detail in The Anatomy of Peace and learns us how we can resolve conflicts, and make peace with ourself and with others; on a private and global scale.   

Highly recommended.